The other day over coffee a friend said to me, “I know I have to process my trauma, but…” and it stopped me in my tracks.
After they finished the rest of their thought, I emphatically replied, “You don’t have to process your trauma. You don’t have to do anything.” This is one of the most important tenets of trauma work.
If you’re wondering what therapists mean when they talk about “processing trauma,” you can read more about what that actually looks like in therapy here.
But please know: you don’t “have to” process your trauma to have an enjoyable, fulfilled life… and at some point you may want to. I’m here to support you either way.
Barriers to trauma therapy
There are so many reasons people may be unwilling or unable to pursue trauma therapy at any given time.
The logistical realities of finances and free time are some of the first hurdles potential clients run into. But even for those with the means, choosing to interact with some of their most difficult experiences in therapy can be a charged personal choice.
If you’re currently weighing the risks and benefits of trauma work, congratulations. There is a part of you that cares enough about you to want to invest in feeling better. That is huge, because trauma often leaves the survivor feeling guilty, to blame, or unworthy.
If you’re considering starting trauma work, here are a few questions to ask yourself.
Is it the right time for trauma therapy?
Sensing any level of internal readiness to initiate trauma therapy is perhaps the most significant sign to move forward. Even if you’re going back and forth on it (totally normal, by the way!).
While readiness is a major factor, it’s crucial to assess whether your life is set up to sustainably support trauma work.
For example, are you currently exposed to daily trauma or abuse at home or work? If so, you can absolutely still engage in therapy, but you may start by working toward a baseline sense of safety before exploring deeper past (or present) trauma.
After considering present-day safety and readiness, it’s important to ask yourself whether you actually have the time to commit. Can you realistically take the time you need inside and outside therapy sessions to process your trauma?
A hard truth about trauma work: it may slow you down for a while.
The skills you built to live in survival mode, staying busy enough to keep the past at bay, are the behaviors we slowly unpack in trauma therapy. And doing so often leads to stepping back from over-functioning.
This is ultimately a good thing, because it means you’re taking care of your own needs and no longer tolerating abusive relationships, systems, and ways of thinking that keep you stuck. While this is a net positive, it is also disruptive to a daily life built around being constantly “on” for everyone else (something I often see in my work with doctors and medical professionals).
How much does trauma therapy cost?
I hate that the world makes this question so necessary. No one should be denied quality care for trauma recovery (or anything for that matter) based on the amount in their bank account. Thankfully there are amazing organizations fighting systemic barriers to therapy that make quality, accessible trauma work possible.
First though, please consider that even if you feel ready to engage in trauma work, if you are going into debt or dire straits over it, the cost may outweigh the potential benefits.
For therapy to be effective there has to be a sense of relative safety — safety with the therapist themselves, as well as the place you join virtually from or the office where in-person sessions are held, and financial safety. If the costs of therapy create financial instability and unsafety, it will be difficult to feel at ease in sessions and continue for as long as you may need them.
The unfortunate reality is that specialized care is often more expensive. However, it’s not the only option. Psychology Today (a directory where you can filter by lower cost options), Open Path Collective (lower cost self-pay therapy with a one-time entry fee), and the Loveland Foundation (aimed at ensuring Black women and nonbinary people have access to competent care) all offer more affordable ways to access quality trauma therapy. I’ll be diving in depth on this topic in a future post so stay tuned!
Additionally, many private-pay therapists offer a superbill, which allows clients to seek out-of-network reimbursement from their insurance company, sometimes covering 30-70% of the costs.
You’re worth the investment
If you have the means, I encourage you to consider investing in yourself through quality trauma therapy. I saw a post once on Instagram that said something like, “If I can get my lashes done every other week, I guess I can afford to take care of myself.” The post was tongue in cheek, but there’s a serious note underlying it.
There’s no shame in indulging and making yourself feel and look good! But if that always comes before taking care of your mental health, it’s worth examining.
How is your past impacting your present?
Sometimes the impacts of trauma are obvious. A veteran who ducks when he hears a car backfire, for example. A survivor of sexual trauma who avoids being alone with men. But often there are covert signs that go unnoticed or taken for granted.
Discussing a significant incident from a client’s past, every therapist has heard something along the lines of, “But that happened so long ago. What does that have to do with today?” Trauma is a shapeshifter, and unless you’re looking for the patterns, it can be hard to connect the dots.
If you are chronically under-appreciated at work, always winding up in relationships that leave you giving more than you receive, and constantly pressuring yourself to be perfect so no one gets upset, those patterns developed somewhere.
Whether you experienced overt traumatic events as a child, such as witnessing or experiencing physical or sexual abuse, or more subtle experiences like an emotionally absent parent or frequent dismissal of your own ideas and feelings, early events and relationships have a profound impact on present behavior.
The Catch-22 of insight
Insightful clients often find this especially challenging to reconcile. They realize that the thoughts driving their need for independence, people-pleasing, and sense of low self-worth are inaccurate, and often they want to be kinder to themselves. They even listen to podcasts or read books to learn how to develop a stronger sense of self-compassion.
But insight is not enough to heal trauma, because trauma lives in the body. The part of your brain that processes language, complex thoughts, planning, and logic isn’t the part where trauma healing takes place. In other words, you can’t think your way out of trauma responses.
This is why I offer somatic therapy and brainspotting to help access the parts of the brain involved in healing trauma.
Some signs trauma may be affecting you today
rigid need for independence
difficulty trusting yourself or others
chronically wondering “Why am I like this?”
thoughts that you are in some way flawed, bad, or not enough
unhelpful patterns repeating in familial, work, or romantic relationships
hating your emotions and trying to suppress or get rid of them
thoughts like “If I could just stop believing XYZ, everything would be different.”
unexplained outbursts, or on the flip side, dissociative detachment
feeling like your body is stuck on “on” and being unable to relax
There are so many signs of trauma to unpack that I can’t capture all of them in a single blog post. Hopefully this brief list gives you a good idea of whether past trauma may be causing difficulty today, and whether it’s worth starting trauma therapy.
Why avoidance is part of trauma work
In addition to the list above, a hallmark of trauma is avoidance. Avoidance of talking about it, thinking about it, physical and mental reminders of what happened, places, people, objects, media, and so on.
If you’re stuck in a cycle of avoidance, meaning you know something’s wrong and want to change something, but you always have a reason not to, it’s worth considering how the relationship between trauma and avoidance is keeping you stuck.
A skilled trauma therapist is ready for avoidance and knows it’s part of the work. A therapist’s job is never to pressure you to do something you don’t want to do for the sake of confronting avoidance. Instead, a therapist can gently help you become aware of what’s happening (if you’re not already) and support you in your decision making while helping you keep your long-term goals in mind.
Ultimately, you know best
You are the expert on yourself and your life. If this feels far from true, I get that.
What I really mean is, you’re the only one who can evaluate your readiness, scheduling limitations, and financial situation, then weigh out the pros and cons to know whether trauma therapy is right for you here and now.
And if you’re not sure, you can always reach out. Most therapists offer a free 15-minute consultation so you can get a feel for what therapy could do for you and which therapist is a good fit.
In addition, going to an intake session doesn’t mean you have to continue with that therapist, or with therapy at all if the timing isn’t right. If you’d like to schedule a free consultation with me specifically, you can do so here. I offer virtual therapy across Texas and in-person therapy in Houston.
The idea of starting with one therapist only to have to switch later keeps many potential clients from reaching out to a therapist at all. But while it’s an investment of time, money, and energy, it’s worth getting it right.
When you’re ready, I’m here
If you’re thinking, “things can’t keep going this way,” that thought is worth listening to. When the timing is right, I hope you feel ready and resourced enough to start the process of trauma work, whether that’s with me or someone else. If you’d like to talk it through, you can schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me.
Your wellbeing is so worth it, and things really can get better.
