8 Things You’ll Probably Hear in Therapy with Me
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I can never predict 100% of what’s going to happen in a therapy session — none of us can! But one thing’s for sure: if we work together, you’re bound to eventually hear me say the phrases below.
Not because I’m planning what to say in advance, and not because I just repeat the same thing to all my clients. It’s because these words express the heart of how I show up to sessions: with curiosity and openness, with so much respect for your experience, and with deep trust in your nervous system.
These phrases aren’t scripts. They’re a bridge to deeper processing, change, and self-acceptance.
1. You’re not crazy.
It might also sound like: That makes so much sense. Lots of clients tell me they feel this way, too.
To be crystal clear, I only bring the word “crazy” into a session if the client has said it first. And so, so often, they do.
Most clients have been going over their struggles in their mind long before they show up to therapy. By the time they arrive, many are frustrated that they haven’t gotten through it on their own, leading to self-blame for being stuck. Or worse, people close to them implicitly or explicitly held them responsible for their suffering.
But I’d be hard-pressed to remember a time a client told me something that was out of the scope of reason. On the contrary, most of what my clients say makes perfect sense.
Sometimes therapy is about connecting dots that feel disparate or hazy when you walk in, and hopefully much clearer when you walk out.
2. You didn’t do anything wrong.
It might also sound like: There’s nothing to apologize for. You have nothing to be sorry about.
Whether it’s related to people-pleasing, chronic guilt, or attachment trauma, the clients I work with tend to apologize a lot. If over-apologizing is a habit, it usually becomes part of our work in therapy.
Clients have apologized to me for:
Crying during a session
Needing to grab a tissue
Cancelling because of a serious illness
Bringing up trauma they’re worried will be hard for me to hear
Taking up my time when their problems are “so small”
Apologizing
This is a tough one, because if you already feel guilty, then someone tells you not to be sorry, it might make you feel guilty for apologizing. So I try to gently bring up the pattern to try to learn more about where it’s coming from and how it impacts the client outside of our sessions.
This shows up especially often inmy work with people-pleasing and chronic guilt.
3. I trust you.
It might also sound like:I trust your nervous system. You’re the expert on your own experience.
This can be especially hard to accept if you struggle to trust yourself! I’m careful not to overuse this exact phrase, while still conveying the message by taking what clients say seriously.
If you’re coming to therapy from an environment where you’re often invalidated or dismissed, it’s so important to be able to feel heard and understood.
I will always trust your experience of what you share sessions, and I’ll still be open and gently direct if it sounds like an important part is missing or I’m confused about something. You have to be able to trust me too!
4. You can say “no.”
It might also sound like: You’re allowed to be honest. Let me know if I’m off base.
Because I work experientially, I respond to what clients bring up in the moment. Sometimes that means offering different ways we could approach something.
That can be anxiety-inducing — especially if you have attachment trauma or struggle with people-pleasing. It can be hard to say “no,” particularly to a therapist you (hopefully) like and respect.
So I try to make space for your autonomy. I’ll often say something like, “You can say no to this, but how would it be to try…?” Not because I don’t think you can handle it, but because most of us deal with enough situations where we feel powerless. Therapy should feel as free from that as possible.
Side note: I also say this when someone tells me they wish they didn’t have to do something outside the therapy room. Then we get curious about what makes it hard to say no there, too.
Want to Learn More?
If you’re noticing your shoulders drop a little
as you read this, you can learn more
about my approach to trauma work here.
5. Go with that.
It might also sound like:Follow that. See if you can be with that.
Therapy may be your only chance to fully experience what’s happening to you in a supportive setting. Whatever comes up for you in our work, part of my job is to help you notice it, normalize it, and create space to feel it.
In other areas of life, you may have to mask or suppress what’s happening inside you. You may even be the one telling yourself that your thoughts and feelings are somehow “wrong.”
Therapy becomes a place where we safely and slowly attend to what’s going on beneath the surface — always prioritizing a pace that feels right for you.
6. Where do you feel that in your body right now?
It might also sound like: What do you notice happening physically when you talk about that? What did that bring up for you?
I know some people hate this — hear me out! I promise I don’t say this ad nauseam, and I respect that some people don’t experience strong sensations in their body or really struggle to name what’s happening inside. In cases like these, we find other ways for you to be present with what’s coming up, and to name it if you want (or not).
The work I find most helpful is experiential.
While you may bring up something from what happened between sessions, we can only directly tend to it in the here and now. So pausing, even briefly, to name what’s going on physically can help make it more real, allow you to feel it, and gain more information and insight.
So much is held in our bodies, and we live in a time that encourages us to neglect our feelings at every turn. Being present with what’s coming up gives you the chance to deal with it.
7. What resonates about that?
It might also sound like: What about that feels true? What’s useful about that?
Part of my job is putting together all the pieces a client brings to session. I’m holding the past, the future, the symbolism, the dreams, the negative beliefs, and my own perspective all together at once. When it seems like it could be useful, I’ll bring some of those pieces into what a client’s already sharing.
When it lands, clients often say something like, “Yes, that’s it,” or, “That feels so true!” Instead of stopping there, I like to specifically understand what feels true about it. That’s the part that matters most — so much more than whatever I thought was important.
On the flip side, if my reflection isn’t spot on, I’m so grateful when a client lets me know. Then the question becomes, “What about what I said feels off? What would feel more true to your experience?”
8. Knowing something’s true doesn’t always make it feel true.
It might also sound like: Part of you knows this is true, and another part of you is still catching up. Your mind knows, your body doesn’t.
The clients I work with are smart. They often know on some level that the thoughts holding them back aren’t 100% accurate. The problem is, the part of our brain that handles logical thinking and the part of our brain that holds our deep fears and implicit memories are not the same.
It’s like trying to argue with someone in a language they don’t speak.
First, we acknowledge this communication barrier. Then we learn to access the deeper feeling parts of the brain and nervous system that haven’t caught up to your logical brain. This is where insights turn from what you know into what you feel.
It’s much easier to act on a belief that actually feels true, paving the way for the changes you’re working toward.
Quick Reflection:
Which of these phrases would feel comforting to hear?
Which one would make you nervous?
Let me know in the comments. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
If this sounds like the kind of therapy you’ve been looking for (slower, experiential, and grounded in trust), I’d love to connect.
You can reach out to schedule a consultation, or explore more about my work with:
• People-Pleasing and Chronic Guilt
• Attachment-Informed Trauma Therapy
