Self-Trust Resource Roundup
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If you’re here, you’re likely struggling with some aspect of trusting yourself. If you haven’t read them yet, there is a wealth of information in parts 1-3 of this series!
In Part 1 we broke down how trusting others is indelibly tied to trusting yourself, the difference between healthy skepticism and self-mistrust, and ways to identify your own patterns around self-trust. In Part 2 we examined common core beliefs that can keep you from owning your wisdom, and where those beliefs may have emerged. For Part 3, we took a deep dive into tangible steps you can take to build a better sense of self to rely on when uncertainty strikes. None of these would have been as good or readable as they are without the help of wonderful proofreaders. Thank you Mlee, Hannah, Alli, Rachel, Maggie, and Ceci!
Resource Roundup
The purpose of this post is to consolidate all the resources mentioned in the self-trust series. Maybe you read one of the posts a month or two ago and are just looking for a refresher but don’t have time to reread the whole thing. I’ve got you!
Some of the resources below may not have been referenced in the original blogs, but they either informed what I wrote or are related enough to warrant sharing. I came into contact with other resources after writing the posts and are too good not to include.
Let’s keep it short and sweet. Here are the resources!
Mapping Thoughts & feelings
Parts of an Emotion Sheet (explained in detail in Part 1) — Helps you identify the interacting parts of any emotional experience, building insight. Consider a situation in which you thought you couldn’t handle something, or worries about the future.
Challenging Questions Sheet (referenced in Part 3) — If you struggle to see things logically and tend to fall into black-and-white thinking or self-blame, these questions from cognitive processing therapy are designed to help you loosen up that rigidity and see the gray. A “stuck point” at the top is just a thought that may not be 100% helpful or 100% true. Common examples: “I’ll never be safe in public.” or “I’m to blame for what happened to me.”
Finding This Helpful?
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Attachment Books
Polysecure (referenced in Part 1) — Learning about your attachment style can help build insight that creates a deeper sense of self-trust through better understanding of your own patterns. Polysecure by Jessica Fern includes relationship models besides monogamous approaches and in general takes a more inclusive lens. People in monogamous couples will absolutely benefit from reading as well!
Attached (referenced in Part 1) — Attached is another great book to help you learn more about your attachment style and those of others around you. Written by Amir Levine, M.D. and Rachel S. F. Heller, M.A.
Note: both of these are decent audio books as well, with Jessica Fern reading hers, which I love when authors do. Attached definitely sounds like a self-help book on tape from the early oughts but that wasn’t a problem for me personally.
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents (referenced in Part 2)— Okay this is not exactly an attachment book, but it’s closely related. This book by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD, outlines common tropes of emotionally immature parents and how they impact their adult children. It can be an incredibly validating with helpful tips included. It also helps set reasonable expectations of parents who fit the category.
Communication Skills
DEAR MAN Sheets (not referenced, but linked in Part 2) — DEAR MAN is an acronym from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), and something I wish everyone knew how to use. It’s probably worth searching for videos explaining DEAR MAN in greater depth than the sheets alone give, because it’s a nuanced skill. To oversimplify, DEAR MAN helps provide you with a script for how to express your needs in a way that you’re more likely to maintain authentic relationships and self-respect.
The Dime Game (referenced in Part 2) — Another great DBT skill, but this one has a narrower scope. If you feel like you tend to come on really strong and then regret it OR you make your asks way too small, the Dime Game can help guide you to a more balanced place. The game asks a series of questions you can answer and at the end it tells you specifically how strongly to ask for something you need or say no to someone else’s request.
The Dance of Anger (not referenced) — Dr. Harriet Lerner’s book explains so well how to navigate relationship difficulties. This is a great resource if you want to take a deep dive into your relationship patterns, as well of those learned through your family’s generations. She writes with nuance that was well ahead of her time and in a very approachable way. There are practical tools included. I wish everyone would make a genogram!
Set Boundaries, Find Peace (not referenced) — Licensed Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab offers up a ton of digestible tips and insights on communication on her social media. Her book Set Boundaries, Find Peace consolidates them in one place. At times it can read like several strung together social media posts but has a lot of great information.
Podcasts
Tara Brach (not directly referenced) — I didn’t directly quote Tara Brach in these posts, but her mindful approach to healing informs my daily practice both with clients and myself. She has a great podcast series on trust including helpful exercises below. They’re usually about an hour long and well worth the time investment.
In addition Tara Brach has a wonderful self-compassion skill called RAIN.
Abi Blakeslee (referenced in Part 3) — Full disclosure I have not listened to this podcast! It’s called From Trauma to Triumph. However I recently completed a somatic training with Dr. Blakesee and have a lot of trust in her mindful approach. I plan to listen to this and will remove it if I find anything dubious or unhelpful!
Collective Healing
Advocacy Groups (referenced in Part 1) — The road to self-trust isn’t paved alone. Spending time working toward a better community with like-minded groups of people can be so healing. Use this list of national advocacy groups to get started.
NAMI Support Groups (referenced in Part 1) — If you feel like you’re the only one struggling with this and everyone else is doing just fine, a support group may help. Suffering and struggling are natural parts of every human experience, and NAMI’s groups allow you to build that feeling in a safe space together.
Other support groups:
Hope and Healing Center — a local Houston resource for a range of free support groups, some run by licensed therapists (as opposed to peer-run, but they have both).
Re:Mind — a Greater Houston Area resource offering free groups for those with depression and/or bipolar disorder.
Volunteer Match (now Idealist) (referenced in Part 1) — If you’re looking to have a direct impact, you can search for opportunities that suit your unique situation.
Behaviors & Values
List of Values (referenced in Part 3) — Values are those internal guideposts for life. When you live in alignment with your values, you can feel it in your bones. If you’re not sure how to name your values, it can be a very helpful practice. Use this list to get started.
Choice Point Model (referenced in Part 3) — Once you know which values are most important, the choice point model from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can help you figure out behaviors that move you toward and away from those values.
There you have it! Of course there is loads more skills in the blogs themselves for when you have the space to read or want to return back to them. Post three in particular has some great tips on journaling prompts, imaginal trust, and mindfulness.
Let me know which skills you’re going to try below!
